Why So Delirious??

its hard to find out who my friends are... this whole war against them and my boyfriend starts all over again. Everytime theres a problem, they always take it out on my boyfriend...

This time it was my understanding friend..and yes, he can be a little mean sometimes. I havent talked to them in a while..its nice to get away from all the yelling and being taken advantage of...its pretty sad being with them and not even fitting in. Having friends that love you but you cant even relate to them or tell them anything isnt really all that great. I guess im meant to be one of those.."friendless, Loner" people...i think i really am. I'm back on track with 7th grade and i was sick of it. Theres nothing to look forward to when i wake up.. Im inspirational-less. One of my so called friends, brian decided it'd be funny he spreaded a rumor that i give blow jobs.. Most people don't believe it but some stupid people do and think im a whorse without an s. It's pretty stupid...so yeah, he hates me for some reason..he told me a secret, and i promised not to tell because i said "who am i gonna tell anyways?? you can trust me." but i guess i cant trust him...well guess what..i can ride my bike with no handlebars. no handlebars. no handlebars. hehehe

Onward with finding out whos a friend...i guess i better stick with girls as friends again cuz guys can be real d1cks sometimes..they don't help with anything because when i ask for boyfriend advicewhen things go wrong..they dont say everythings gonna be ok..no they dont! they tell me hes being a little b1tch and that i should leave him because things never work out and that i should be realistic thinking that nothing lasts forever...that sounds like pretty negative advice dont ya think??? it never helps...it makes me feel worse and they think theyve done alright.

Plus my guy friends think of nothing but themselves..they know NOTHING about me. nothing at all. i bet if i ask them what my favorite color is, it'd all be some stupid answer like pink...fyi..its green. LIME GREEN. nobody seems to understand me, and im not trying to sound emo... the only person who understands me is ME! NOBODY ELSE. Sure, i can make jokes with cindy...but she only knows 3/4's of me.. aaron knows probably 99/100 about me. me, i know 100/100 about me...nobody gets my feelings...nobody cares...nobody listens..just my mind, my thoughts, my dreams that are never fulfilled. Everything that happens to me..sticks with me and i remember anything u say that hurt or scarred me, anything you did that hurt or scarred me, anything that you think...that hurt or scarred me. I have a memory like an elephant that keeps you mezmorized when i tell you bout it. Sometimes its harder than it seems to memorize what doesnt matter to me. But i always think about it. Why do you hurt me so? Because all you think about is yourself, you being solo. Do i ever matter to you guys? Do you ever think about this one? Because it always seems when you're talking to me nothing ever seems to be that fun. It's like i go past right through your ears...like a bullet from an assassin. Every word i say to you just keeps passin and passin. So now listen up to me. You're pointless and pathetic. I dont need people in my llife like you, i'll leave and i wont regret it. Nothing seems to matter to you so who cares if i were gone? Cuz you'd just be thinking about yourself and no one else later on. You probably wouldnt even realize if i were even there. If i walked by knocked ur table over itd just be like air to you so why...why do u even bother...starting a fight with me? becuase you have nothing to do with your life but eat, sleep, fight and dream. So this is a message to you guys. The ones that dont listen. Please remember how you treat people and keep on remeniscing. I'm gone.