Why So Delirious??

agh i dont know what is wrong with me. I keep getting so insecure about myself just tonight.

Ok, well my bf invited me to go to a dio concert with him and our friends, his dad's taking us. I've never met his dad...or his stpedad, so it's gonna scare me a little bit.....Plus, im being dropped off at his house, where his mom is, and his stepdad, and i've never met them before. So he all of a sudden comes out with "fix yourself up please? my dad's very judgemental and is gonna say something about you to his wife.." "oh...uhm ok.." "trim your nosehairs?" "i...are they long??" "no no they aren't..one sticks out a little, you could just pull it i guess.." "but i...it sticks out??" (i'm thinking, i don't have a nose-hair trimmer...) "yeah, kinda...i'm not trying to be mean, i just want him to not talk about you bad.." "then i guess i shouldn't bring my dinosaur hat.." "yeahhh hehehe he doesn't understand your ways." "oh..ok.." the ni was just looking at myself in the mirror and thinking all these things.. Is his dad gonna like me? Hate me? not even care? What if my gigantic pimple gets in the way of things? What if he thinks i'm too short? stubby? fat, skinny? What if he doesn't like my bushy hair...or the way i talk.. all these things ran through my mind and i beat myself up about it even more..

I was talking to my friend, victor, who still has a crush on me even though i told him i only think of him as a friend.... all my feelings well, not all of them.. "THE PIMPLES GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING!!!" "no gwen, it's ok..i have 2 pimples that havent gone away.." "but mines gigantic!!!" "im sure you look fine.." "fine...fine???? FINE" "ok ok ok i mean pretty.." "ok...phew...u sure?" "im sure.." "aghhh but idk if his dads gonna like me!!" "aww im sure he will just dont stress about it!" "he wont accept me.." "and why is that.." "because im weird." "you're not weird." "YES i am WEIRD you have noooo idea." "why are you weird.." "cuz i wear dinosaur hats." "that's not weird..its just different.." "differents just a nicer way of saying weird!!!" so then i stopped talking to him about it but i stilll kept thinking about it.. and i took it out the mean way and sent a text to aaron eve nthough he's sleeping..

:shouldn't your dad like me because you love me? shouldn't he be glad or something that you like me the way i am? not because im some sorta made-up thing covering up my individuality and im gonna bring ym dinosaur hat just to bring it and i dont care if they hate me or not..."

then i thought about it..

"no im sorry baby this is important ok, i'll fix myself i dont have a nose hair trimmer though...but i'll look presentable.."

i don't see the point in looking presentable but i'm doing it in favor of aaron...he doesn't ask much, so what does a little bit of make up and some pulling nose-hairs do?

btw..i looked in the mirror..and saw NO nose hairs sticking out... liar... oh well, maybe some days.

Even though i sent a text in compromising, i still sulked abotu myself in bed...practically yelling at myself in my thoughts..
"look at my eyebrows...theyre caterpillars.." "my chest is so flat i have no cleavage.." "my stomach is so lumpy it looks weird.." :I'm so short!!! i cant reach anything!" "this pimple is ruining my life.." "my hair is so unruly and bushy the only way to tame it is braiding but i look even more of a little girl!" "thats another thing i look like a little girl!!!! i wanna look my age..." "i'm so weird..who likes a girl that likes to shop at thrift shops and make stuff out of them because i have nothing better to do since im such a no life and only have a little bit of friends.." "am i really as pretty as aaron tells me i am??" "i dont feel so hot anymore.."

just all these things in my mind.. emo? no. Misunderstood? a little.. confused? YES. I can never tell if i like myself or if anyone's telling the truth. I've bee nthis way ever since..i don't believe it when people tell me i look great sometimes.. I don't believe it when aaron told me i was perfect in every way and that im the most beautiful girl he's ever seen...only sometimes. Most of the time i get so sweet about it but other times when i feel bad about myself, i just..i don't know what to think about myself.. I guess i'm so insecure cuz everyone always expects something outta me..Like, i'm not the person they wanted me to be... They want me to be a dude, but i love dresses. They want me to be a girl, but i love video games and hanging out with guys, they want me to be ultra nerd, but i still have my doubts in homework, they want me to be clean, neat, and uptight but i still leave stuff around and forget where i placed things..Why does everyone expect so much out of me???? What, do they think i'm some kind of robot you can switch onto manual and change every feature...every detail..every thought, clothing, or style.. I can't figure out who i am, but it's a good thing you can't place me into one specific label. I'm a whole bunch of things, but it's not really hyped. Why do my parents want me to be in leadership? sure, i make good choices in life, but i don't like being a role model, it creates more pressure...plus the work..some teachers think i LIKE work. Come On..i'm 14..who likes work at 14?!?!?!? who likes work at any age????

When i'm drawing, or doing something creative...my family overestimates what i'm capable of, they want me to draw a wolf...for their shirt design...Isn't the 1st one already good enough? i kinda like...worked hard on that, thank you... but the wolf picture they gave me..is so..detailed...so...not my style of art..i can't even draw good anymore.. i beat myself about them too..My dress that i made today, failure. I didn't even wanna try drawing the wolf for my uncle. My dad wants it on his ski mask for airsofting..but..i dont have materials for it.. they think i can magically make this stuff using anything.. I've been making beanies...lately those are the only nice things i have made.. I have many ideas for them and i keep going on.. But, one beanie, for gean's friend, i messed up, it was too small, a part of it fell off and it didn't look that pretty anyways... so then i just gave her one of the other ones.. She still complains that she wants a bow on it. I make a bow, remembering its supposed to be reversible..so i put a safety pin instead of sewing it down..

I mess up on everything.. Everywhere..anytime..When i actually tell my parents about it.. they think it's a line to get what i want..when really...its how i felt about myself ever since kindergarten..just grew stronger and stronger every year cuz i just mess up everything.
When i was smaller...i'd drop things all the time...my dad would always get mad at me...i'm just clumsy since i'm a little kid... Even until now..i'm just...uncoordinated..i dropped plates..it's always my fault..sometimes its not even my fault.. sometimes i wish i could be less of what i am.. i wish i could be normal sometimes..like other people..not clumsy...not always hating myself for everything i do. i just cant help it!! i'm such a mess up.... sure, i'm emotional but atleast i don't try to kill myself or cut myself up..i get too afraid of the pain, besides, it causes more stress... I'm stressed up to level 9 out of 10...and it's not the first time i've been so mad at myself it's like...everytime i mess up i get like this.

its hard to find out who my friends are... this whole war against them and my boyfriend starts all over again. Everytime theres a problem, they always take it out on my boyfriend...

This time it was my understanding friend..and yes, he can be a little mean sometimes. I havent talked to them in a while..its nice to get away from all the yelling and being taken advantage of...its pretty sad being with them and not even fitting in. Having friends that love you but you cant even relate to them or tell them anything isnt really all that great. I guess im meant to be one of those.."friendless, Loner" people...i think i really am. I'm back on track with 7th grade and i was sick of it. Theres nothing to look forward to when i wake up.. Im inspirational-less. One of my so called friends, brian decided it'd be funny he spreaded a rumor that i give blow jobs.. Most people don't believe it but some stupid people do and think im a whorse without an s. It's pretty stupid...so yeah, he hates me for some reason..he told me a secret, and i promised not to tell because i said "who am i gonna tell anyways?? you can trust me." but i guess i cant trust him...well guess what..i can ride my bike with no handlebars. no handlebars. no handlebars. hehehe

Onward with finding out whos a friend...i guess i better stick with girls as friends again cuz guys can be real d1cks sometimes..they don't help with anything because when i ask for boyfriend advicewhen things go wrong..they dont say everythings gonna be ok..no they dont! they tell me hes being a little b1tch and that i should leave him because things never work out and that i should be realistic thinking that nothing lasts forever...that sounds like pretty negative advice dont ya think??? it never helps...it makes me feel worse and they think theyve done alright.

Plus my guy friends think of nothing but themselves..they know NOTHING about me. nothing at all. i bet if i ask them what my favorite color is, it'd all be some stupid answer like pink...fyi..its green. LIME GREEN. nobody seems to understand me, and im not trying to sound emo... the only person who understands me is ME! NOBODY ELSE. Sure, i can make jokes with cindy...but she only knows 3/4's of me.. aaron knows probably 99/100 about me. me, i know 100/100 about me...nobody gets my feelings...nobody cares...nobody listens..just my mind, my thoughts, my dreams that are never fulfilled. Everything that happens to me..sticks with me and i remember anything u say that hurt or scarred me, anything you did that hurt or scarred me, anything that you think...that hurt or scarred me. I have a memory like an elephant that keeps you mezmorized when i tell you bout it. Sometimes its harder than it seems to memorize what doesnt matter to me. But i always think about it. Why do you hurt me so? Because all you think about is yourself, you being solo. Do i ever matter to you guys? Do you ever think about this one? Because it always seems when you're talking to me nothing ever seems to be that fun. It's like i go past right through your ears...like a bullet from an assassin. Every word i say to you just keeps passin and passin. So now listen up to me. You're pointless and pathetic. I dont need people in my llife like you, i'll leave and i wont regret it. Nothing seems to matter to you so who cares if i were gone? Cuz you'd just be thinking about yourself and no one else later on. You probably wouldnt even realize if i were even there. If i walked by knocked ur table over itd just be like air to you so why...why do u even bother...starting a fight with me? becuase you have nothing to do with your life but eat, sleep, fight and dream. So this is a message to you guys. The ones that dont listen. Please remember how you treat people and keep on remeniscing. I'm gone.

strangest email ive ever gotten lol


My love Please get back to me.‏
From:
winners winners (*******@gmail.com)
You may not know this sender.Mark as safeMark as junk
Sent:
Sat 7/25/09 8:04 AM
To:
Dear loved one.I saw your profile on the site and wish to contact you after seeing your profile, you appear gentle, I humble wish you will aspect my request to be my lovely friend.Let me introduce my self to you as gentle hansom young graduate that is interested inKnowing you and having you as a lovely friend so kindly welcome my request.My dear I am presently waiting for your positive reply that will keep us as friendsForever.Regards.

Eric Brown


ok..firstof all..what site? and second..my love??? this guys desperate haha

is it normal to be the one who tells others "stay positive and everything would be better" or "if you keep being optimistic, itd most likely happen." and be the one who doesnt follow what you say? Is it normal to tell somebody to watch a movie and say its great and not even watch it yourself? Well, if it is, then im not concerned about myself. Today has been a rather negative day for me, just like any other.

There was not much activity today as a usual summer vacation. I haven't been sewing in a while, its been a number of weeks since i made something astonishing. I don't think im up for the whole "indie fashion designer". Lately during the summer i've been making some pretty nice and useful things out of old clothes (recontructing) and my family has loved it. Everyone's been telling me that i should start a business or a clothing line. I was so excited, it was like buying a new toy and wanting to play with it the minute you get home. So that's how i felt. I wanted to start it already and i didnt have any experience nor enough ideas to become an entrepreneur for fashion. It was just a sudden thought that i just needed to do without going deeper into it.

The more i heard about me having a business the less i think about wanting one. Is it because i'm thinking over how i'm not able to handle this or is it because i'm just doing the b1tchy rebellious teenage thing and try to go against what everyone's thinking. Maybe it's a mesh of both. A war between the adult thinking and the stupid teenage logic. I've been told that i have an old soul, but still can have fun, just the right way. I can be a teenager but say no to drugs and alcohol, it's not that hard actually. So now i can be a teenager and handle a business including taxes, bills, investments and all this cr4p? Saying no to drugs is easy for me as a teenager but for some reason saying yes to opportunity is mission impossible?

Aaron told me theres lots of time to think about handling a business. I talked about it with him, since he's the only one who listens, cares, AND handles. Hard to find that in a guy these days. I mentioned how hard it'd be, thinking about all these things at once and balancing it our with family, personal, school and business life. It sounds like something i'd have to worry about until im in flippin college and what am i? a freshman in the summer! It's just too much to think about and i hardly do any of that now... My mom mentioned about my business. She seemed happy..but my expression back was blank, blah, bland, nada. "I'm gonna ask my coworker because she knows someone who starts teenage entrepreneurs, so we can check it out sometime." with her nice happy face. I think she's really interested in me having a business. "Oh, uh yeah maybe.." then i go back in the room and talk to Aaron about it. I feel so pressured, it's not like they're yelling at me to do it or shotgun to the head, it's just how they felt so proud and everyone putting the spotlight on how talented i was, how brilliantly creative i am, and at my age. I felt like the only one who does this type of stuff. Like it was my individual talent that no one can have. I walked into reality and it punched me in the face, of course im not the only one, theres plently of other great fashion designers and creative kids my age and younger than me, and it's their passion.

Now today i thought about my sewing as a hobby not something to get money and spend so much time and brains on. Really, what am i gonna do with selling clothes, what if theres no one to buy it, what if i can't even sew right? What if what if what if! All these IFS pop into my head everytime i think about it. I just think too much, think too deep and too hard. I should stay optimistic and not let it get to me much, but, come on, I'm a kid. I can't make stuff right. Theres plenty of fashionable kids out there, and i'm a plain person. simple jeans and a t-shirt. That's me for ya.

I wanna do so many things, well try in my case. I always do this. I get into something so much. Get into it real good. Then when it becomes a little routine, i grow bored of it, try something else. My parents always seemed...well my mom always seemed disappointed when i say "i dont know what i wanna do" and she acts like i should start figuring out something. Im never gonna make any money with all the things i like to do so theres no "career" option that i've found. Clubs suck 4ss and all you do is sit and talk about stuff only about the club. It's like another class. I hate being in class only if it's either too cold and the heaters on or too hot and the ac's on. Either than that, i'm a class hater. Along with club hating. All my hobbies are a "come and go" but they stay just for a little bit, but just not as much as i love. Like i loved sewing, but my mom told me to hem her pants into shorts, doing the same type of thing all in one is pretty boring. So i grew tired. More and more. No ideas. None of my own, atleast. I never really based ideas straight from myself. They're all from DIY sites, well not all, but most. I'm nothing. I know i'm not being optimistic, but it's kinda hard to deal with right now.

After the bell rang, a quiet walk down the stairs we went. The senior who stayed in class comes to catch up with me and Aaron "You guys are duuumb." he said in a jokingly matter. We both laugh and i say "eh, i was about to go in.." I really was, but everyone called me and said "NO! NO! come here!" they were all coaxing me to come back like a kitten stuck in a tree. I was about to take a drink of water from the water fountain and Aaron took out his gatorade and shook it forcing me to come back for the sugary goodness. I walked back, frustrated. We walked down some more stairs but the senior had left before us. We caught up with Rene and he explained his class watching Finding Nemo. I blurted "we did nothing in class today." "Liar." "Serious..we werent even in class..it was empty." "liiiarrr" "no serious."



Walking was the normal thing. Go down the hill, turn left (watch out for the crazy drivers) everywhere you walk, windows down, bumping music that's heard so many times but still considered "underground" such as immortal technique. I have nothing against them, i actually like them. It's the posers who listen to the music so loud no real conversation goes on in the car.



While walking, we catch up with a friend, Daniel. He's a super Sophomore, and way older than all of us. We passed the middle school and while everyone was talking, these three characters come running dow n the sidewalk. They were smiling so i thought maybe they're just catching up with a friend. That's what you would think. Out of no where a crowd pops out behind us, not too far away. We turn around "Ay...they're gonna get down" Daniel said. We all turned and saw dust flying..the girl running by, (hair in a bun, toned body, low cut spaghetti strap black tank and some cut-off jean shorts) starts hitting this softball player. We could tell she's a softball player from her uniform of course. It was a couple of hits, or more...the softball player trying to block her face and get away, the girl still moving forward and hitting her. We were all staring and wondering what's going on... Daniel stared with phone at hand...there were two teachers heading towards them, cars stopping in the middle of the road beeping. "hey! HEY! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" the teachers say. One of them is jogging and the o ther briskly walking...afraid to drop his coffee while walking fast. The girl in the black jams along with two shorter boys that look no older than my little sister. All suited in their baggy attire that's 3 sizes more than they should be, advertising for jenny craig basically. They run past us. The girl's bra is popping out of her shirt, since her shirt was pulled down on the right breast area...it was unsightly for me but the best thing Daniel has seen. While walking a little more, we talk about it. "They pulled down her shirt, man!!!" Daniel said with a gigantic smile on his face. "oh, yeah, i only saw her running past us with her bra popping out." I said laughing along. "YEAH! but while they were fighting, the softball player pulled the girls shirt AND bra down I saw the whole thing...MAN! I AHD MY CELL PHONE! i shouldve taped it...F*ck." Me and Aaron laugh at him. When we crossed the street, Aaron crossed to the other side with Daniel, leaving me, Rene and Gean on the regular side. We still saw them, but i let him pass since he never really gets to talk to his friends. Gean tried racing them since they have long legs and we're vertically challenged to walk at their pace, we had to walk kinda fast. She wouldn't stop even though it was painfully tiring, and completely useless to race. Out of no where, Daniel starts to run, "He's Cheating!!!" shouts Gean pointing at him running. Aaron was left by himself so he looks around the street, waiting for the passing cars and J-walks, or runs. "I knew you would do that.." I said all smiling. "What? How'd you know?" "the way you were looking around the street..it's obvious." "oh hehe..yeah." We kept walking, until we reached the point to where McDonald's and Jack's is. Rene heads for McDonalds to pick up his brother and head home, Aaron wanted soem Jack's, so we followed. While sitting there, it was nice and peaceful, but we got the seats in the front, which feels a little exposing. Usually, we get the seats in the back. Daniel came in with a girl. Before he came in, we saw them walking there. "I think he likes her.." Aaron says looking at them both. "oh, why do you say that?" "he always talks about her and his background of his phone is her picture..and her's is his." "ohh wow. yeah, i think so too.." We eat for a bit and find the back table empty. We throw away our trash and go to the back table only with a medium soda. I tried to read my book, Johnny Hazzard, for a bit but got distracted terribly by Gean's hyper behavior. She got my ghetto bookmark made of ripped wordsearch puzzle and folded. She tried finding words and made up silly ones, honestly, i thought she was being too hyper. When she's hyper like that, you can't really control it. You can get as mad as you can with her, but she'd still be laughing, which is bad in most cases. Like this case here. From her uncontrolling laughter, me and Aaron were just giggling, not laughing as loud as she was. She kept singing songs loudly and chanted "U-G-L-Y you ain't got no aliby you ugly" and we just giggled and said "ok..." but she wouldn't stop laughing loudly. From the back you could hear "GROW UP..kids...f*ck man." me and aaron look at her, it's this chola chick who thinks she's all that. After all, Gean is a kid stupid *ss. A chubby girl with her gets up all frustrated and throws her trash away murmering "feel like f*cking someone UP right now" I nod no getting disappointed both at gean and the girl's behavior. The girl looks at me angrily and said "what, does she have something to say? SAY IT" i still nod no, looking at her though, without an expression, i wasn't scared, it was a public area. I wasn't angry, she was just stupid. I was just disappointed in the way kids can act these days. She was not that much older than me. I had her in my PE class in 6th grade and she has always been this abrasive. They walk away, gean still smiling. It made me a little angry, i wanted to say "this isn't funny." or "this isn't a joke, those are serious gangsters." they were. Crazy chola son of a biscuits. She was still laughing, i was very frustrated now. Aaron was worried when i told him "i know her." he got scared thinking she might kill my family or something. "nothing to worry, she doesn't know where i live or anything like that, i just know who she is, im sure she doesn't know me at all." He seemed relieved after i said that and said "just be careful." Gean was playing around with things. I texted Aaron becausei couldn't say it outloud.

Me: I dont think its safe for gean to walk with us anymore.
Aaron: why, is it because of them? just ignore them and you'll be fine.
Me: no it's not them, it's for the future. She's always acting like this and it's not good to be acting this way in a stupid town like this one.
Aaron: true. what are you gonna do?
Me: idk. I need to find out a way but i don't think she'll understand i mean, look at us, we're not gonna be able to win a fight if there was one, we're not gonna be able to hold her back from being loud, we're not gonna be able to do anything protective, we're kids!
Aaron: Yeah, you should tell your parents so they can tell her.
Me: i should.

the conversation added and there was a long silence. The girl who beat up the softball player came to Jack's as well with a couple of other friends. As if things couldnt get any safer!! Soon as i saw them, i told Aaron "let's get outta here." we got our things and were about to walk home, but when we were about to cross the crosswalk, they too were going that way. great. We back up and wait for them to walk a little. Aaron suggests that we just wait at McDonalds until things get a little more cooled down. We waited for Mommy to pick us up and Aaron waited til 5 so he could head home. After 5, me and gean still waited. It was silent and boring. I texted Aaron the whole way, though. Finally at 5:30 or so she showed up. The girl who beat up the softball player and her friends came into McDonalds while me and gean went out. They sounded like normal people of the East. "I wish my boyfriend was that fine.." said one tall girl to the other while the girl who beat up some chick held hands with a jenny craig advertiser with a hat and matching oversized clothes. I quickly walked into the car, hating this town more than ever. I wish i could just get out of here, the only thing holding me back, is Aaron.

I hate this place.
First thing I'm doing when I'm old enough and able to move...I am NOT living here. I love my family and all but this place is a sh!thole. It's not the first time I really realized it, but it's the first when i felt furious about living here. The reason why we're still here is money, family, and for me, Aaron.

For today, I'm pretty sure it started out when we started to go to 4th period. People decided to pull a prank on the teacher since it was testing and the attendance didn't count for 4th period. We all ditched the class. I know, pretty stupid. The only one who didnt ditch was a senior, if he ditched, he'd get kicked out of school. We all hid in the hallway, all of us. It's a pretty small class come to think of it, but a pretty big group to look like ditchers. Everyone laughing, snickering, predicting what would happen if a security guard comes walking by, a whole bunch of stupid stuff. I stood quietly...waiting for the bell to ring and that would be the blissful sound to my ear since i am such a goody-two-shoe nerd who wouldn't want to get in trouble (anymore) we stood there, one hour and a half. Standing, sitting, waiting to go pee. Well, for me anyways. People kept running out the door whenever the door would open, thinking it's a security guard. I stood there with a couple of people accompanying, me, evette (some girl i don't talk to), Jasmin, and Aaron. Sometimes Anthony, but people drag him with them. At the last 5 minutes, we decided to walk into the classroom quietly. I held the chains of my backpack so i don't make too much of an interruption. I sit down..nice and quietly..sub's not noticing me.. "you!" sh!t. "yes?" "come here, what's your name?" I walk over to her..little old lady, thick "Gwen.." "Gwen, what were you doing this whole time? No one was outside.." "oh..but, they came in late too..." "yes, but I'm asking you.." I turned to Buddy and Jasmine (the loud one) they made hand signals..mouthing (restroom!! PEE!) "ohh uhh..I had to..." other people walked in.. she looked at them instead and yelled out to them.. a relief came straight to my head..the only person in the whole class afraid of getting in trouble, get's called to speak for the others. Great. She seems like she forgot the conversation of me faking to go pee. She tells us all to sign our names onto a paper...we all sit back down..but she orders Kimberly to close the door. Several girls are in back of her and while people are signing names, they leave. Only Javier, Jasmin, Buddy, and Aaron are left. Smallest class in the world. I stared at the wall..i felt like a trouble maker, and a flippin nerd at the same time for worrying about being a troublemaker. My mind has lost it's track over the past weeks.

LOL i copied and pasted this from Yahoo! Answers..it was tha funniest question ive ever read...lol



Open QuestionShow me another »
My gf is PREGNANT?! were 14 btw....?
ok so my bff/gf sometimes is pregnant....were 14 & we were just playing around with our privates....ppl on this website said it makes u closer and it is a romantic and fun time....so anyway i stuck the pencil in her pencil case for about 4 minutes and then we were just touching. i just found out that shes a month pregnant and she doesnt want to get an abortion. i dont want her to get one either. the thing is, were both emo. none of us really talk 2 our parents since they're all rich and content with their lives and they dont really like seeing us cut ourselves. i know its pathetic but we dont have jobs and we want to be rockstars. i guess thats a good thing since rockstars make good money and the baby could be a part of the act. ahh idk what to do. please tell me what 2 do. my ex gf told me that if i dump my current gf (the one thats pregnant) then shell have sex with me every night....so idk if i should do that or whatever. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO HERE!!!!
20 minutes ago
- 4 days left to answer.

Name 3 Schools You Went To
1. Elementary
2. Middle school
3. High school ^_^
Name 3 Things In Your Wallet
1. ID
2. Skateboard Business card
3. Gift card
Name 3 Things You Always Wear
1. shirt
2. underwear
3. bottoms
Name 3 Things You Do When You Are Really Stressed
1.eat
2.sleep
3.yell
Name 3 Favorite Songs Right Now
1.I'm alive by disturbed
2. Dead and Gone by TI ft Justin Timberlake
3. Ms. Jackson by Outkast
Name 3 Favorite Places To Shop
1. Wet Seal
2. Fry's Electronics
3. Chinatown lol
Name 3 Places You Go On A Daily Basis
1. school
2. home
3. mcdonalds
Name 3 Things You Like To Do
1. Play video games
2. anything creative
3. surf the internet
Name 3 most valuable possessions
1. Aaron
2. Cell Phone
3. iPod Touch
Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. Strawberry
2. Mango
3. Kiwi
Name 3 things you are addicted to:
1. Crack
2. Mary Jane
3. just kidding.
Name 3 favorite hobbies:
1. Video games
2. Drawing
3. Crafts
Name 3 career choices:
1. Graphic Designer
2. Something in government
3. Janitor FTW
Name 3 goals in 2006:
1. i grew
2. my hair recovered from terrible after-perm
3. matured
Name 3 plans for next week:
1. Aaron's coming over
2. CST testing -bleh-
3. My friend's 15 practice
Three Names You Go By:
1. Gwen
2. Gwendolyn
3. The master of all awesomeness
Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Philippines
2. Spain
3. Underground Locust.
Three Things That Scare You:
1. Lizards
2. big lizards
3. Even Bigger Lizards
Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. eat
2. sleep
3. breathe.
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Pink shirt
2. black shorts
3. pink hair ribbon
Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
1. Disturbed
2. Slipknot
3. Bob Marley
Three Things You Want in a Relationship (OTHER THAN Love):
1. Money. lol jk.
2. sweetness
3. dorky things that only we can laugh at
Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order):
1. Im awesome at video games
2. I love my bf fur lyfe!
3. i have hair.
Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. face
2. body
3. height
Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Italy
3. France
Three things you want to do before you die:
1. skydive
2. go everywhere
3. tell off stupid random people

4. Tell everyone i love...everything's gonna be O..K...

yup, it stuck on my computer and it really sucked. i couldn't even log on to this site!

it all started with my cookies, as i found out.
i ate some and they were delicious.
no jk.

I uploaded a video onto youtube. I'd be happy if you rate, comment, subscribe to my channel.
Brasschipmunkz is the name. just click on it. If that doesn't work, just search my name on youtube :)

So anyways, i uploaded a video, but i had no music that wasn't a "copyrighted" song...although they were all from CD's which is really stupid..and so i decided to audioswap (add liscensed music approved by the youtube staff) and when i clicked it...that stupid 500 internal server error came on...

it said a team of highly trained monkeys are workinig on it..
at first i was like...wtf.
i tried later in the day after quinceniera practice for my friend...still doesn't work.
so i logged onto blogger..well..tried. it said i needed to delete my cookies..and it works!! so hopefully that 500 internal server error doesn't occur again.

yeah that's all i had to write about..man i can't ttype right anymore..geez.

Maria: You still have my stuff in your bag?
Me: yeah, sorry,i'll give youre ipod to someone to give it back to you.Maria: I have other stuff
Me: oh, ill give them that too.
Maria: no.. theres a liter and a little bag of weed in there hide it!
Me: wtf!!! ARE U F*CKN SERIOUS?Maria: im not lying. hide it gwen.
Me: omg maria you better be f*ckin playing with me cuz if anyone finds that its not gonna be your @ss its gonna be mine!!!
Maria: That's why you need to hide it!!!
Me: hold on, my dad's coming in the car ill ttyl ill b home in bout 2 minutes wait for my text
----------------got home--------------

I looked in my bag when my dad walked out of the car. I unbuckled my seatbelt and casually checked inside. I saw the liter and thought to myself "sh*t man..." i didn't even wanna look for the weed. I got out and brisked up the stairs. Nothing out of the ordinary anyways, i'm an energetic kid. My mom was standing out the door and smiled "how was it?" "ok. they had good food.." "that's good." i went inside my room and in my closet. While taking off my sweater, i had my bag, took my phone and wallet out and threw my bag inside my closet. I couldnt bare looking at it. I buried it in some clothes and covered the clothes with dresses that were hanging above it. Changing was quick, i went inside the other room and logged onto xbox live. Joined Aaron's party with james and corona.
------------texting maria-------------
Me: ok.. i hid it in my closet..but i swear maria if anyone f*ckin finds that in there...it's your @ss not mine.
Maria: i know im sorry just keep it hidden and when no one's around just throw it out somewhere
Me: whatever. ugh. i'm going to bed i don't feel so good right now
Maria: Ok goodnight:)
-------ended-------------------------
wtf man, who does she think she is putting weed in my bag and telling me goodnight with happy faces!!!! That just seriously peed me off so i just deleted those messages and continued with xbox live.
---------------xbl chat---------------
all 3 of them together: Gwen!! how's the party?
Me: guys...i'm screwed.
Corona: was it because you still have that chick's ipod?
Me: no..there was more.
Aaron: what happened?
Corona: what else, her phone?
Aaron: what happened...
Me: no...worse.
Aaron: what happened!!!
Corona: what was it?
Me: agh..ok aaron, i went to the party and let this chick put stuff in my bag and all i saw was an ipod so i was like ok whatever. I left without telling anyone--
James: yeah, you left pretty early.
Me: yeah hold on...well i left and she texted me saying... "theres a bag of weed in your bag hide it"
all 3 of them together: WHAT!!
Corona: are you serious????
Me: yeah...
James: you should throw it out in your backyard...it's big anyways.
Me: ugh no thatll do no good ill still have this bugging feeling about it.
Corona: i think u should sell it.
Me: what! are you serious??Corona: it was just a suggestion...gosh.
Aaron: No...tell your parents about it. Youre too smart for that stuff and they would believe you, it'd be worse if they found out later.
Me: youre right...but it's a little scary..
Aaron: it's ok. they'll believe you, i bet you anything they will
Corona: well..if you sold it...you'd make 20 bucks like that..
Me: shut up...im going with aarons thing..i just don't know when to do it.
Aaron: do it around this weekend because it'll bug later on.
Me: yeah..i will.

Aaron invited me to another party to help me instead of getting interruptions from corona about selling the weed.

Aaron: tell them, or atleast one of them, you don't need to sit them down or anything like that..
Me: i'll try. Thanks.

My mom walked in at this point.
"is everything ok?" "yeah." "how was the party?" i turned off the mic and put it down. my eyes watered and my mom went up to me and i busted out crying. She doesn't know the full reason. "did you know anyone there?" "i knew everyone.." "was chuy there?" "yeah, but he didn't really talk." "what about moy? aaron?" "moy was there. he didn't talk to me either, aaron didn't go. "whats wrong...you felt lonely?" "hmmhmm" i nodded yes, still hard to hear since i was crying so much. "they offered beer and i didn't want any and they were all dancing while i just stood around or sat around..and my friend...put something in my bag." "what did they put? who was your friend?" "maria..." "what did she put.." "well, she asked if i could hold her stuff for her so i said yes since i only aw her pulling out an ipod, it was dark..so i couldnt really see anything else.." "just her ipod? what else." "something bad." "like drugs?" "yeah..." i cried even more "i didnt know she had that! i didnt know she smoked or any of that stuff she goes to a different school so shes just completely different" "oh its ok..i know you didn't do anything like that." i calmed down a little bit and my mom was talking to me about stuff..i can't recall. " do you want to talk a littl bit more?" "no..i think i'll just play now." "ok then.. if you need anything, just ask me." "ok.."

I turned on the mic after calming down and not sounding like i just cried. I'm a big crier. I cry for many things.
Me: thanks aaron.
Aaron: you told them?
Me: yeah i told my mom.
Aaron: what did she say?
Me: she believes me that i didn't know.
Aaron: see, now do you feel better?
Me: a lot. thank you so much.
Aaron: it's ok. i don't want you to be in big trouble if they ended up finding it later on because you hid it, it makes it worse.
Me: yeah--
--my dad walked in--
he opened the door fast and said in a firm voice "what did your friend put in your bag." I felt a little mad going back to the subject and turned the mic off with a big angry frown and walked to the closet. My dad followed me in and i pulled out my purse taking out the liter angrily and the little bag of weed as well.

Ok..well this was supposed to be a post for friday.





We got out of school early today. Early as in 12:30..something. Me, Aaron and Rene walked around since we got out so early and our siblings didn't get out as early as us so Aaron went home with me. We just hung out and stuff then it was 2:00 already. I called Rene to tell his brother to walk with my sister when they get out of school so she wouldn't have to wait so long for me to pick her up and i wouldn't have to walk too far. Rene completely forgot when they got out of school..which was 2:40. It was already 3:00 and me and Aaron walked down the hill already. i called Rene to check if he called gean..he told me he forgot and eas sorry so i ended up walking further. After picking her up, the three of us (me, aaron and gean) went to mcdonals because me and aaron were awefully tired after walking so many times. There was a little kid in front of us..he was sitting facing his back at us and whenever he bent over his crack showed and it was just a disturbing site...we kept laughing anyways. Also, there was this kid who went in the bathroom, aaron knows him because he's in his PE class. The kid didn't come out of the bathroom 30 minutes later, and that's not an exaggeration! that made us laugh as well. After we were done eating, we went to go drop aaron off. It didn't take as long. Me and Gean walked home and i logged on xbox live.





While talking to some people, i got ready for the party i was invited to for 7:00. It was 6, i was just doing my nails. I finished dressing and make-up until 8 o clock..you think a girl can't take any longer...My dad drove me to the party..it took us a little while to find the right directions since he was using his iphone for the maps..it was a little confusing. We finally got there and her house looked huge. I'm thinking..maybe she thinks its nothing. Usually people with big houses don't even realize how happy they should be to live in a nice house like that. Nice view. I have a view as well, but you can't see downtown like she can. I can only see the tops, she sees the whole thing...well, i can, i don't know if she even realizes.





When I got inside, everyone was greeting me nicely, hugging me like they have'nt seen me during school, i can understand the people who now go to the other schools, but, oh well. I felt like the shortest one there. Well, i think i was the shortest one there, everyone looked like trees compared to me, that's how it always is when someone stands next to me. Everyone walked up the stairs and went to the dance floor. I don't normally like dancing..im very plain compared to everyone, it's not that i'm boring, i'm just...different. i got hungry so i asked where the food was, got some hot dogs and stood around eating. I talked to oscar for a bit and he introduced me to this one girl named Vanessa (I think..i can't remember..). We talked for a while and she's a wallflower as well. I found that out because we were standing in front of the dance floor eating while leaning on the wall. I started a conversation...


"wallflowers, huh?"


"yeah, but it's ok...you're a cute wallflower."


"thanks...wait, cute like baby cute or my age cute?"


"hm, well maybe both, not sure."


"cool."


I walked a little bit more and talked to this one girl brenda. She became a wallflower for a bit when we talked. We just talked about random things that came up and this kid Daniel (the stud) came by to talk to us. Day n Nite by Kid Cudi came on so they started dancing and i just stood in the same place. After a couple seconds, i stood in another wall where my best friend was at. I knew a lot of people there..but i just stood in the back drinking soda. Once in a while moy would mention me and talk across the crowd to talk to me..i only talked a little bit. People crowded up and i wanted more to drink so i just squeezed through and everyone looked like they were moving for no reason since i'm so short..you can't really see me pushing through. I got a drink and some nachos and didn't go back to where i was. I talked to vanessa again because i saw her there talking to maria. They were talking about Daniel and how he's talking to this one 8th grade girl in the party..he doesn't know her, but as long as she's a girl and she's attractive, he'd wanna hook up.


"Huh, Gwen, Daniel gets with every girl he sees?"


"oh, yeah...it's true." Vanessa looked shocked "ha, wow that's amazing...are you one of his victims?"


"me? Psh...no i don't fall for the bullsh*t he says."


"so, he lies?"


"most of the time."


Then maria walked somewhere else and me and vanessa kept talking again. We sat down on the couch and ate our nachos. Oscar came in and started talking to us about something, i can't recall since i'm writing this a million days later. Ok, maybe just a week. Anyways..Vanessa and I started talking about Daniel the stud again and i mentioned "maybe he's already making out with her...he's pretty fast, but knowing she's an 8th grader, she could be stupid enough." "oh, well i don't know much about both of them anyways.." so we headed down to see where they were and right when we got up they were just talking in an open storage closet. I turned around signalling Vanessa to go the other side. Ha, we were all scared thinking they were on to us. While walking, I asked vanessa stuff like "what school do you go to?" i can't really remember what she said, but it was something with a D. "where's that at?" "in -the d school-" "oh haha yeah, i don't know where that is.." "yeah, small school not to far from here, what about you?" "i'm a mule." i said all proudly.. "oh just like other people in this party..that's why i'm not so jumpy, not a mule like you guys." "oh, are you a freshman?" "no. Senior." "oh, makes it all the more worse being surrounded by kids." "it's pretty ok, SOME of you seem mature, well, maybe just you." "ha, i get that a lot." we walked around the other side, finding them barely going downstairs when we were walking up. "ah come on!" I said impatiently. Vanessa didn't even realize they were walking downstairs. She turned and said "wait, where'd they go..." "they just walked down let's go!" geez were we bored; chasing a couple finding out if they will make out or not. Everyolne started going downstairs since there was a boxing jumper so the dance floor was kinda empty at the moment. We stood out there; me, vanessa, and that chick that Daniel the stud wants to get with. I turned while we were watching everyone kill eachother in the jumper andasked her "do you know anyone here?" She looked kinda scared, but i was her height anyways, i ain't intimidating at all. "oh..well, i know Carina, the birthday girl." "oh yeah i know her too...and lots of other people here. So how do you know her?" "Well, she's my brother's friend, he's a 10th grader, so yeah she said i could go too." "that's cool. So I see you're getting to know fried rice." ( I call daniel that since his last name sounds like it.) "Who?" "oh Daniel, sorry, it's his nickname from me and others." "oh haha wow, yeah kinda.." she blushed at the moment...what a lame-o.



Shoes flew everywhere, boxing gloves hit my head, i jammed. I sat down in a warmer place snce it was too cold being out there in a dress. There were normal people for once! There was this little girl, i didn't really get to know her name but we joked around bout little things. Oscar's sister was there, Lupita. Carina's friend that i met at the movie theaters once, and Vanessa. Oscar came by once in a while. Lupita was sitting next to me and was wearing a black and white plaid dress like me, but mine was shiny and strapless, hers was like a long t-shirt. The little girl i didnt get the name of was like "People magazine: Who wore it better...and the polls are in. It's tie" We laughed and Lupita said "yeah, but hers is a little different and fancier, and shiny. Mine's just casual." We all talked about random things. Oscar came down and said "theres beer in that refridgerator." I looked up at him since i was sitting. "alright." That one girl i met at the movies got all excited and said "ooh do you think they'd notice if there was one missing?" Oscar looked at all of us ad said "i dont know...but i think theres adults out there on the other side and can see us." I turned to Lupita and asked "what's so great about beer anyways?" "eh, i tasted it once because i dont know, i can't remember, but it just tastes like dirty water." "that's weird..gross." "yeah, don't try it, it's nasty." "i can tell. Why are people so obsessed about drinking it then?" "they like dirty things. " Ha that made me laugh. So people came in and started opening the fridge and poured it into their cokes. Stupid. Doesn't it taste worse like that? I walked up because everyone wanted to dance. I put my bag down on the ledge again and joined oscar. I didn't feel all that comfortable with everyone dirty dancing all up on eachother and i was swaying back and forth like a branch in the wind. So after a minute of swaying, i stood and leaned on the wall again. I didn't drink anything, didn't chew any gum to pass the time. I got m bag while pushing through the crowd of dancing people and finally thought i should just leave, i didn't enjoy my time at all. It felt lonely going outside of the doorway. People looked at me and smiled while i walked past with no expression on my face but loneliness. Vanessa was eating nachos again but i passed her and i saw her face. She looked worried if i were to leave, she had the same feelings of the party as i did i guess. I didn't say bye to anyone, it just felt lonely. I texted my dad at first, but i wanted to leave ASAP so i decided to call instead. Sitting on the steps on the front of the house, i dialed. He quickly answered and I tried not to sound choked or anything because i felt really sad, "hey, i'm done...can you pick me up now?" "oh..uh ok i'll be there in 5 minutes." "alright i'll be in front." 5 minutes sounded too long for me. While sitting for a while, you'd never guess who i see going out to the porch next to the steps holding hands. Yeah, Daniel the stud and that 8th grade chick. They thought no one was around. I moved a bit and cleared my throat because i still felt that choked up feeling. "Gwendolyn...what are you doing here??" trying to act like what he's doing isn't some scam. "oh, i'm gonna leave." "aw, lame-o k well ill see you around then." so he moved to a corner with her behind the other steps. She giggled at like everything he said. I couldn't make-out what they were talking about but it seems funny i guess. What a terrible flirt. I could do that in my sleep. My dad shows up and i quickly go down looking back up at the house in the last step thinking why did i go here anyways? I went in the car and looked out the window because it seems my eyes are too watery. "so...how was it?" i took a pause to make sure my voice wouldnt come out crooked. "ok..it was...ok." "had fun?" "yeah somewhat." "oh good. because you called me a little early, it's only been 2 hours." "really? felt longer. well...it kinda bothered me." "oh why..." "they were giving out beer.." "what?" "well, not giving it out, but sneaking it around." "ohh...." im pretty sure he's been through it as well. "i didn't even drink any, anyways. they told me its like dirty water so i was like 'thats pretty gross' and she was like 'yeah dont try it' so yeah...didn't try" "that's good." he believes me, i'm usually a straight edge kinda person anyways. We went to go gas up and maria calls. My dad's filling up the gas and im inside where you cant hear anything. She sounds like she's in a rush or something. "hey, where are you??" "oh, goin home." "what?? oh lemme text you cuz it's too loud." it wasn't loud at all..i heard no background. after a couple seconds a text comes up that destroyed me.

albert is walking again
carlos and ms quiller are arguing about time
and chips.
albert is using his phone..its skinny
so is kimberly and coral has videos on..but not watching them..shes looking at this
marcos is playing solitaire...and i think he's going to not win.
maybe...i never win.
a girl just walked in.
she's gonna announce about united students...and denim day.
i heard this 3 times already...she doesn't know that. it's about his chick in italy that got raped..and she lost the case because her jeans were too tight.
the bell rang

well im in my intro to business careers calss once again. Like every other day. We get out early today so theres not much to do..so she gave us free time tosearch whatever on the computer. Grr Websense blocked everything so we can't go into any proxies unless we make our own since websense is building up a list and whatever of what not to go to. Stuck...here...bored. until 10:01...which will be in a bit but the time seems longer when you're bored. Ah...Lemme see if i can write down stuff to pass the time away.



Theres a ring on this dirty-cream-colored desk. The ring is a stain kinda of ring. An uneven circle. I move the keyboard to inspect the dirt ring more. I find out...it's just a ring.



Hey, i don't know if this is normal to type over and over again for no certain reason.

I also read labels in back of shampoo bottles.

now im jsut saying random stuff...when you're bored, you don't know what you would do jsut to get out of it.



I'm sitting...in a blue chair..with cushions. on my bag.

now albert is changing the date...exciting!

he just erased it...now he's putting 20. now hes talking "whats the subject gonna be for monday??" "eyelashes." hes erasing again and wrote eyelashes...he;s going to open the door..later

now hes walking to it..then he opened it

now they're talking about victorias secret..wtf...

they said hes a guy

coral is reading all of this....

he sat back down.

now theres nothing exciting to put ill just post it.

My cousin just came to visit the house today. Visitors are rare in my house. Especially family.

My thoughts on my family are, we're the poorest out of all of them. My family lives anywhere except for East LA, you name it. England, Arizona, Hawaii, Guam, the Philippines, anywhere. Not East LA. Our house is the smallest, our community is the most dangerous, a helicopter comes by everyday. One time, our cousins from Santa Barbera visited our house for 4 days. The first day they've ever been to East LA. A helicopter came flying by, it was a normal thing for me and my sister. All of a sudden my cousin goes "Hey! There's a helicopter!!" "oh..yeah, they pass by everyday." They didn't even hear me and ran outside to go see it. They were all amazed like seeing a horse give birth...or something.

---------EDiT 10:41-----------------

I just came back from Red Brick Pizza. My uncle, well, my mom's uncle owns the place. We had chicken italian pizza or something like that and italian breadsticks with the cheese on top. Then we went to Toys-R-Us to get my brother's membership for Club Penguin. In case you don't know, it's a site created by Disney, kinda like a social networking for kids. They play games, whole bunch of stuff. You play as a little colored penguin. I find it a little boring...i made one just to ask if anyone had xbox live. Fail. Anyways, after eating lots of pizza, too much cheese and excessive amount of garlic, i have a painfully terrible stomach ache..otherwise known as "chorro" here. Diarhea in spanish. It's still going on and hard for me to play any video games this way.

YAAAAYYYY SPRING BREAK IS FINALLY HERE!111!!!eleven!!1!

Well yeah, Today is the start of spring break right after school, which is now. It's not as much of a great feeling like I thought it would be, since, well i didn't do anything. I took my final for math which was super duper hard for me because I'm terrible at math. The final my teacher made single-handedly, though, was easier than the district type of finals. Those kinds of tests talk like optimus prime while my teacher talks, well, he talks human. So to whoever's reading this, i found this really cool tag cloud thingy that moves around in circles and saves LOTS of space.

The Site's right here

It's called a Blogumus..sounds awesome already! eh i'm so lame.

But yeah its right on the side of my blog and it's an easy copy-paste type of code like facebook stuff or myspace,.you know, how people hide things -_- i hate that. Anywhos. Check it out.

evil once again.
I'll explain later because shes arguing

ok i'm back. Well story goes like this and i WISH people in my school mainly some coordinators or whatever powerful person can understand why so many students complain about her.

Normal day, get to class, walking by myself...once again. I knock on the door and she opens it almost slamming my face. Ok, i'm exaggerating, but she opens it roughly like she doesn't even want any kids in the world.
I sit down, regular reflective thinking time..yeah, boring. I'm not surprised because it'a normal for every subject to have a quickwrite or something. We wrote about CD's...4 paragraphs and she always emphasizes "academic rigor" blah blah blah that Mr. Go Moo tells her she needs to follow it. Yeah that's ok..understandable. She can atleast pick a useful topic or something. Guess what she picks...something like transformers, tacos, corn, t-shirts..the most random stuff! She gets all up on our business because we're talking about something off topic, and when we ask for help, she doesn't do much about it..she tells one of our students to help us constantly. She underestimates us all and really lowers some people's self esteem sometimes.

ok i don't even feel like completing why i was so frustrated. buh byes.

im just stuck!! well in this room. yayy we get out early today anyways

EDIT--6:35 p.m.
Yeah well i explain to you, well, not explain but tell you guys that my class is so boring and im stuck in a room full of idiots. I'm not supposed to say the word "idiot" but hey, I'm not saying it...I'm typing it.

My story of which explains why i feel like I'm stuck in a crowd of brainless boobs begins like this:
A normal day in Ms. Bird's class; oh boy. She switched my seat for whatever reason, I really don't see what i did wrong, and now I sit with two "hard workers" of the class. One of which follows and lies for an airhead named Alvin in my class, Corporal(not really her name, just for protection). I despise people who don't like to do the work in class even though it is excrutiatingly easy. Great, I'm surrounded by them. Not to be conceited or make myself seem like the complete angel, because of course i don't do SOME work in life, but the work is just SO easy its hard to believe they wouldn't even move a muscle to try. Here is an example of our simple work:
----Go to page 70, copy exactly like the figure.
All you have to do is COPY a page of words and you get an A! Easy A. Everyone else gave it a try, mine was a perfect A along with this other kid, Carlito, who is really cool because he talks to me about Pokemon. The two baboons sitting next to me wouldn't even follow directions on how to make it exactly like the page. It clearly says in the top in 4th grade reading level how to center align text on Microsoft Word. What do they do? Pretend to read it, space a million times for alignment in the center and it comes out like a peice of cr4p. Sorry if it seems like something i shouldnt get worked up about, but it seriously bugs me how something so simple could become a mission for someone else. Maybe what my teacher said affects the way i learn. One day he he claims I'm supposedly gifted in English 9th grade. I'm working faster than others. I do most of the time, finish something before the time it's needed or guessed. Anything with literature, not math, though, i hate math. I know its cliche and all, I even have a great teacher, but math is just one of the subjects im good at but just can't stand to do. Too much proving, equations to memorize, stuff that seems like i won't need it in life although many teachers say we do many of these things in life, you just don't know it. I can understand we use percentages when theres a one day sale at Macy's and see if it's really a good deal than other stores.
----gotta take my meds. hold up.------------------
ok, i still got a sinus infection, it gets in the way of enjoying a day. Anyways...where was I?
oh yeah, let's move on from that Macy's store analogy..wait, how did I come up with Macy's anyways?? Is this post even making any sense? WTF am i doing not sleeping? Unanswered questions....

Oh yeah, the stupid people. The guy on my right, Marky, didn't even want to try. I even offered help because he looked like he needed some, seriously.
"you want some help?"
"no.."
"ya sure?"
"yeah...i'll just leave it like this.."
"you know that it shows you how to do it right in the book, you can ask me if you don't get it"
"no..i'll just leave it like this."
"oookk."
Then i just left him alone. I sat back down in my chair sighing and looked at my computer screen full of finished assignments that are meant to be 2 weeks work when i finished it last week in 2 days. I'm not trying to be conceited and im not exaggerating either, I'm just saying, you know?

Ha, sick chola talk "you know homes??? I know huh! (*@#*&(%&@"

well i best be on my way, i really don't have anything to say.

in a room full of idiots

im not even gonna talk about being at six flags yesterday for the annual avid field trip to a fun place....
im talking bout today..omg..some people.
I invited my "friend" Aaron over and my other friend moy to my house.. first aaron came and..something happened along the way after getting bored watching twighlight..
then moy came over and we understand eachother's problems even though we dont go through any of it...we just do.
So after aaron left my house, i talked to moy about something between me and aaron thatNOONE must know...well no one reads this anyways.. so..moy had to leave too and my best friend..he didnt come over because he's grounded.

well about my best friend, he texted me hating on aaron. i asked why? and he said "because he kicked me from the party" the xbox live party he means..a place to talk to people well yeah i said he needed to be kicked because i needed to talk to aaron about today..but then he got all mad saying i always ditch him for aaron..so he messaged me a stupid message with no thought in it what-so-ever saying all these cuss words and whatnot..so i got sooo mad. i talked to moy about it and now my best friend is sad about it even though he started dkjfedkjdhfdj!!!! whatever. sorry..needed to take it out on the keyboard.

well i dont have the msot funnest life the average american freshman in high school can have...so of course...there are some blanks in the days.

well to give a little summary of what happened over the past days or so...

Last Friday i went to CalPoly Pomona for a field trip! hoorah... well i had terrible allergies that day (i still do) but there were flowers EVERYWHERE! gosh...it was a sneezing spree for me. There were turtles everywhere and little duckies walking around the place it was cute...but man, dorms are sick small. It'd be better to rent an apartment than to go into a no-privacy closet-spaced room. Im serious...my closet..is like half of that room. and they have to share it!

ok that was friday. Saturday i went to the mall and felt soo accomplishedin buying stuff..usually when i go to the mall i feel like i didnt get as i wanted..i only get a few items...but i had so many gift cards and actually had more than 10 bucks! i mean...for the past 3 or 2 weeks, i had nothing but 5 dollar bills because id always spend it either at school or after at mcdonalds. the government wants to kill east LA with all these fasts foods so near my school...hehe just a thought.
Well, since i got mun-e.. we first stopped at nordstrom, my sister wanted these like 1 million dollar pants..no jk it was 50..but cmon..thats still a lot! but my mother said "no we'll come back later since we parked here" so then we headed for wet seal because we needed to find a presentable dress for the white house...my mom isnt even sure were going there...it was just a thought that became an idea that became part of our made-up planner.. well anyways.. i found this plaid dress at wet seal, you can actually find it online its really cute..has a big aretha franklin hat status bow in the front. On top of it, im wearing a short sleeved little white jacket which is also very cute..omg im such a girl. then we headed for hot topic..heheh I bought a Disturbed shirt, but it was a boxy guy shirt and..i hate how those look on me cuz i already look like a little kid as it is..but to wear a boxy t-shirt makes me look like a 3rd grader...but i love that band so WHO CARES!
we headed for the disney store and i bought nothing. bleh.

The past week ive been feeling nasty..so i visited the local doctor and she said i have a sinus infection so i was like oh no..this means medicine..nasty..medicine.
I skipped a field trip i was meant to go to cuz i felt extra terrible that day, so what more feeling bad on something meant to be fun? walking around...riding trains..wow. I might vomit in the middle of downtown..we dont want that now..so yeah...boring life because..idk why im just boring.

I still feel pretty disgusting..boogers in tissues that are scattered throughout the whole household...OH! i got a new laptop..its all cute and little..im using it right now to type this..its a gateway something wit han L version..but yeah its pretty cool i got something thats not a hand-me-down..yessshhhh. so its my own...i got my laptop ( im singing this in a chant) i got a laptop..and you probably didnt...because ur a blooogg...you have no braaiinn...or any feeliinggss so you dont careeee....

ok im done.

you know how i did my homework and missed out on bowling night yesterday? Well. I turned in my binder today and i got a 75 outta 100. I even gave it to my favorite tutor, Tina, which i had drawn her face for her since shes been asking for it. BUUTT no. i got a stinkin C. On the bright side, i have the highest grade in the whole class, better than this evil girl named Josie (Mosie) who hates me for no reason and tells her friend Britney (britpig) that Britney's boyfriend is hitting on me all the time and i go along with it.. but..why would i? i just think of him as a friend and im taken and happy that way.
ok i gotta go play some left 4 dead.

Well as you may or may not know, there's this program called AVID in my school. I forget what it stands for. Somethin-something-via determination. YEAAHH. Well anywhoosers..When I came home today, which was by walking since my phone is impossible to feel on vibrate while walking, i could've gotten picked up..but oh well my fault. where was i...oh yeah, I came home and i had to finish my homework. Adding on that, every Friday AVID has a binder check where everything is organized and you have to have at least 2 notes per week. We're on a terrible thing called block scheduling and so we have binder checks every 2 weeks. I have to have 4 notes for each class. SOOO it was so tedious just to write over and over..folding the papers into Cornell notes blah blah blah!! gosh!! sometimes AVID just gets on my last nerves..sometimes it doesnt..like..when i just don't feel like running in PE, since every other day, we have AVID, on the days we don't, we have PE. By the end of 2012 all the freshmen are gonna be fatsos since PE isn't so important. I did my other class homework first so i could get it done and outta the way. Honestly it only took me like 5 minutes for both. But man..the binder check homework was excruciatingly long I'd rather sit around and do nothing for the amount of time it took me to get it done. I started around 6 o clock ended around 8. Yeah, most of you are probably like pshaw that's nothin!!! well, me, being the lazy American self in east LA, i am not used to 2 hours of the same work. Well, maybe it was just so boring. eh whatever. I shouldn't complain hehehe. Anyways, after that i logged on Xbox Live, played some gears of war 2, and logged off about an hour after, now I'm writing this after a quick shower and a fight with the brush between my dreaded hair. Hm..maybe something more interesting could happen tomorrow.

omg im in Ms. Birds class and i found out i cant switch my classes cuz i visited my counselor and he said i cant switch classes until next quarter i was like NOOOOOO but yeah im just typing this right now to get rid of my boredom.

Ok. So today i was invited to my friend Chuys house (i called him that since 6th grade). I was invited to go at like 12 pm. and i woke up at 11:40 sumthin. Wow, i remembered when i woke up that i was gonna go. So i took a shower and texted him that i was gonna show about 1 since he kept asking if i was gonna show.

After getting ready as a usual girl would.. my mother asks me to empty out my closet for stuff to send to the philippines, but..i tried looking through my closet of a million unfolded clothes, and i only found a pair of jeans and a shirt i never used. But to think of it, i never used a lot of them. Agh i hate doing that but i just do..example:



I had to go to my friend's 15th birthday, and i had sooo many clothes on my bed..my mom walks in, i say "I have nothing to wear!" My mom looks at all the clothes on my bed and says then whats all this??" i look at it as well..."it's my clothes..but..none of them seem to be at right occassion.."



so yeah after that i packed stuff to bring. i packed my video cam, the charger, my ipod, the charger, 2 headphones, and a pack of popcorn. I have no idea why i packed popcorn... then my mom drove me to his house and they werent there yet. I called and they were walking from their church..so me and my mom waited. Right when hey got there they chatted with my mom a bit. So we went to bk and i didnt eat anything cuz either i wasnt hungry..or i just didnt wanna spend my money.

After that, we went to his garage and i video taped my friends getting t-bagged. Then we visited their church to pick up some other friends..i really don't talk to the people we picked up, but what can i do?

We walked over to the park with a basketball and EVERYONE played. I was the only one who hated sports entirely. I just hate sports.

We spent about an hour or so in the park but they were all playing basketball, but i was just sitting there for an hour listening to my ipod and watching videos. i just sat there and did nothing. I waited and waited until the game could end. It finally ended because chuy got his face hit with the basketball and everyone thought it was getting too violent

It felt like i was being the boring no-life friends just sitting there by myself, yeah, they did offer for me to play but i just refused, i don't like basketball and its just something i wouldnt wanna try, sports is just not my thing. I sometimes hate that about myself. I try something new, and i just end up hating it at the end, so i just quit at it forever.

I did that with the school band. I wanted to play the quads, the drums that look like rock band drums, but it was too full...so i went with clarinet. I ended up being good at it, but i cant even read the notes cuz i keep writing the letters down on top of the notes like AEEBBC yeahh and i memorize where my fingers are supposed to go for the song rather than just knowing where to put my fingers for any song. At the end, i got bored because i wanted to just go home and not wait...I always hated staying afterschool, i love being home i don't wanna stay in a place full of stuff i dont enjoy!

So yeah, thats my thoughts of me being the boring friend all the time, i never try anything new, and when i do, either i suck at it...then i hate it entirely, or i just cant do it ever again.

Alrighty so this is my first post on this not-so-first website ive ver made. Hmm..ill just write bout the stuff ive done for like..the past month.

Now about myself. I am Gwen and im a freshman in High School, not gonna tell which, though but its for safety reasons. I'm sure you'll understand. In class im a straight-A student but a silly program called AVID keeps me to a 3.8 gpa. Sucks, huh? Straight-A's..one B. GRR. Then in second semester, they switched my biology class (with the most awesome teacher everrr) with this evil lady called MS. BIRD!! (dun dun dun) ps. Bird's not really her name.
About Ms. Bird: Big Fat lady who argues with every kid in class and is always saying she's gonna write something down about us calling her names. ex:
Christian: Im throwing the tissue away
Bird: Excuse me little boy, but you should be in our seat.
Christian: But, when someone sneezes, you tell them to throw their tissue away when they don't..
Bird: But why are you out of your seat?
Christian: You're confusing miss!! when someone doesnt ask you to throw the tissue, ou get all angry and when they dont, youre still angry cuz they didnt throw it!
Bird: Hey, Little boy, you don't determine if im angry or sad or happy. I determine that
(thats where i go...omg...stupid lady. make a big deal of a little thing)

So, thats one of the examples. another example was today. I was grading for my first period cuz my teacher is like...lazy. And also because i finished every work we had to do for the week, so he let me grade all this stuff. Then i wasnt finished cuz he made me grade 3 classes of work..so he let me stay in for 2nd period, which is the period of evil BIRD. I stayed in for about an hour of the class, and since our classes are block scheduling, an hour is like about half of the class time. I didnt get to finish some papers to grade and he just let me go back for the last 15 minutes of class. He writes me a pass (legit pass with signature and everything) and off i go.
I took a little while because i wanted to stop by my last year's biology class. I really miss it there but in 2nd period, her class is ICS, like..some kinda slow but not stupid class. I went to the girls restroom since it was right next to it..and after using it..i had trouble with the faucet cuz it wouldnt push down. This girl next to me said "you gotta push it down harder..try 2 hands" so i ended up doing so..i felt kinda slow.
Passing by the class, I stand on the balls of my feet and peep over the window of the classroom. All i see is a bunch of kids standing out of their seat and a guy with longish hair that looked unkempt. I didnt see my friends who had the class..so i just decided to go to my class instead of lagging it.
I walk down the stairs and the door is wide open like its coaxing me inside to its evilness. I walk inside and hand Bird the pass. She stares at it for a while..i wait for her to tell me to sit down.. i wish that was what happened.
Bird: What teacher is this?!
Gwen: Mr. Ramirez.
Bird: Which one?!!11?eleven
Gwen: The one in the 100 building. it says right there. '128'
Bird: This is an official pass for office uses only..what is he, a teacher?
Gwen: Yes, he's a teacher.
Bird: no. no no. Im not gonna call, im in the middle of class. wheres my phone....
Gwen: ugghhhhh
Bird: Sign in..I'm gonna have to talk to mr. Gomez about this..
Agh its like she has some kinda crush on Mr. Go Moo..the supervisor for the elective. She always mentions him and always says she's gonna tell him stuff that the kids said.
Bird: You know that class started an hour ago..right?
Gwen: YES i know that!
Bird: ok..well i'll add that to what i need to say to mr. gomez.
so yeah. theres my arguement with ms quiller. yup yup. there might be more. BUTTTT and its a big butt...i might switch!!! YEAHH

kk byes.